Isn’t it interesting that one of the lines on a pregnancy test is called the “control” line? When you don’t really want to be pregnant, seeing only the control line makes you feel in control. It’s when you see the positive line that things feel positively out of control.

If you can get an accurate view of what you can control, you’ll reduce stress about things that aren’t your responsibility, feel empowered to take action on things that are, and respond better to things that affect you but aren’t directly under your influence.

Figure out what you can (and can’t) control

So how can you do this?

Try journaling!

Here’s a list I could have made during my pregnancy:

I can’t control:

• Living far away from family
• My pregnancy isn’t covered by health insurance
• I can’t stand the smell of any food except potatoes, ice cream, and cheese
• I’m always tired
• Constant heartburn
• My partner’s work schedule doesn’t leave much left over for supporting me
• People who offer strange, unsolicited advice

I can control:

• Taking a nap every day
• Staying socially connected, even when I don’t feel like it
• Choosing to do an easy workout a few times a week
• Taking prenatal vitamins
• Reading parenting books
• Putting on makeup to feel more like myself
• Fighting scent-triggered nausea by taking out the trash and opening windows
• Applying for Medicaid

If you can control it, do it!

Look at your column of things you can control. How many of these things are you doing now, and how many do you need to commit to doing?

Using a planner or calendar, schedule the things you’d like to make happen, whether that’s calling to set up an OBGYN appointment or a daily walk around the block.

If you can’t control it, prepare for it!

Even if you can’t directly control something, odds are you can prepare for it.

Take a look at your “I can’t control this” column. How many of these things could you influence? How many can you prepare for? How many will you simply have to accept?

No matter what happens, you’re always in control of something: your response.

Example 1: You can’t control other people’s responses to your pregnancy . . .

Maybe you’re afraid to tell your parents or partner that you’re pregnant. You know they won’t be happy, and it’s stressing you out.

But the reality is, you can’t control how they feel.

. . . But you can control how you present your news.

Choose to break the news in a calm way when the timing is right. Make a plan to diffuse the situation or step away if things go south.

But keep in mind that ultimately, you’re not responsible for someone else’s feelings or reaction.

Example 2: You can’t control your pregnancy symptoms . . .

Morning sickness, smell sensitivity, sore ankles, oh my! You won’t have any way to know which pregnancy symptoms you’ll experience until they’re happening.

You might wish you didn’t crave a nap every afternoon or struggle to carry laundry up the stairs, but you’ll be a lot less frustrated if you accept these temporary physical limitations and do your best to find workarounds.

. . . But you can control how you take care of yourself.

Take that nap you want. Eat as healthy as you can. Take prenatal vitamins. Keep exercising, even though you’ll have to cut back as your pregnancy progresses. And don’t forget about self-care— your mental health matters, too!

You may not be able to control the physical changes you experience during pregnancy, but you can control how you care for yourself, which will help you have more energy and a healthier experience.

Example 3: You can’t control the systems that exist . . .

Health insurance is no fun to deal with. Neither are hospitals, maternity leave requests, or the hundred other things that require filling out forms in exchange for your child’s existence. Wouldn’t it be nice if all that paperwork just went away?

. . . But you can choose to understand them.

The paperwork and bureaucracy of having a child aren’t going to disappear any time soon, but the good news is that it is possible to learn to navigate it all.

With a little research, you can become the expert on prenatal/newborn insurance, maternity leave policy, WIC, and anything else you need to know to thrive in our paperwork-saturated society.

You’re in the driver’s seat!

Unexpected pregnancy comes with a lot of unknowns and a lot of question marks. While you will inevitably face things that aren’t in your control, the good news is that you’re in control of you— the way you choose to respond will make a huge difference for your pregnancy and beyond!

P.S.- You’re already in a great place to start empowering yourself! Check out our content on prenatal care, maternity leave planning, relationships, and more!