How to Simplify Life as a Working Mom

Jobs and babies are hard. They’re even harder when you put them together.

It’s the classic struggle: how to balance earning an income with being a good and present parent, or the “working mom life.” Working mothers grapple with this every day, and maybe you do too. Or maybe you’re preparing for the transition into juggling a job and a baby.

In my own journey to simplify life as a full time working mom, I’ve learned a few bits of wisdom that help make the chaos bearable, and they don’t require reorganizing your life. Instead, if you want to thrive in the daily tension, consider these six reality checks of work/life balance for mothers:

The reality of “having it all”

One of the first roadblocks I encountered was reconciling the idea that I could “have it all” with reality. It’s true that many women graciously manage clean homes, weekly meal planning, workout routines, a demanding career, passion projects, parenting, and thriving relationships, all while looking great and keeping up with current events.

But every woman’s “all” looks different. And I would speculate that the most seemingly put-together moms scream into a pillow now and then.

What does having it “all” mean anyway? Is it balancing all the areas listed above? Is it simply getting babies to bed at a reasonable time, meeting work deadlines, and being a mindful friend to one or two people? Try mapping out what “having it all” looks like for you.

Map it out

For me, a white board works best because I notice it more than a journal. I use it to track my physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional goals. Recently, I’ve added marital and parenting goals as well.

Whether it’s taking family walks with the stroller, reading a book, setting aside time for prayer or reflection, or taking time for a monthly girls’ night, frame what “success” and a holistic life is for you. Some of my most ambitious goals have included running my first 5K, and one of my smallest but most meaningful goals was listening to educational podcasts while doing laundry.

Everyone’s picture of success looks different, and even your own picture of success may change. In fact, your goals will probably adjust as your baby enters new ages and stages.

If you’re like me, it’s easy to focus on all you didn’t accomplish and all the ways you missed the mark: I snapped at my kid, I was late to a meeting, or I forgot my friend’s birthday. So forgive yourself, move forward, and be flexible. If you didn’t avoid fast food today, but you went for a family walk or reached out to that friend, celebrate that win.

The comparison game

Be wary of late-night scrolling through social media and playing the toxic comparison game. It often strikes during my only alone-time all day, when no small person is asking for anything from me. And as it gets later in the night, the thoughts creep in:

“I bet Krysta makes her kids gourmet meals every day. My kids had oven-ready nuggets.”

“Tina had a baby two months ago and already looks great.”

“Sonya got a promotion at her job but has no kids to take care of and can work late and travel more.”

I wish I could tell you how to make those thoughts disappear. The only kernel of truth I’ve learned is that someone in another house, scrolling through another newsfeed late at night is probably thinking the same things about you.

So remember your wins today. Remember how you lovingly served your child. Remember what you did at work that made someone’s day better.

The power of accountability

Another practical habit to cultivate is working with an accountability partner. I have a colleague who checks in on me in the evening to make sure I’m not working late at night. Ask a close friend to remind you to take a night off from the kids every two weeks, even if it’s just window shopping while she sits with the baby.

Working moms can get so used to the constant self-sacrifice that we don’t notice we haven’t been eating lunch all week. Find a lunch buddy at work (even over video) if you often forget. In the end, whatever your weak area is, don’t try to tackle it alone.

The wisdom of “venting up”

Something that surprised me after becoming a mother was the need to vent to the right person. As one of my favorite authors advises, “vent up.” I first heard this years before I was a mom, but never really grasped its importance until this stage of life.

You may need to vent, but the person you choose to talk to shouldn’t be arbitrary. Sometimes, even your best friend won’t be the person to bounce your fears and concerns off over a glass of wine. Instead, find someone in a similar season or who was recently in your stage of life. I’ve found this works even better if you talk to another working mom who values the same things you do.

Find the right person

I’ve learned the hard way that when I vent to the wrong person, I don’t feel any better. Sometimes a sweet friend who doesn’t work or have children will innocently say something that makes it worse.

That doesn’t mean moms in different circumstances can’t be some of my best friends, or that women who aren’t moms never have good advice. I value these friendships as well. But when I find myself at my wit’s end after a day of huge work projects, chores, and sleep regressions, I crave time with my friend who’s been there before.

I’ve discovered it’s a bit jarring to share the details of your life with different friends, but I’ve also found great joy in cultivating unexpected bonds. It’s something I never read about in my pregnancy books!

The need to fill yourself

But every woman needs to be replenished. While this can look like a fun online purchase, more often it’s quality time away from mom and work duties.

After all, you wear a lot of hats. People count on you from the moment (or the moments before) you wake up until the late hours of the night. Sometimes I feel like an empty pitcher, completely dry of anything to pour into anyone else. In these moments, I need to do something to fill myself up.

It isn’t selfish to take my lunch break to meet a friend for coffee instead of finishing laundry. It isn’t neglect to leave the baby with a sitter for a few hours after work, even though my son is teething.

There will always be a “but I need to...” or “even if...” keeping you from taking a breath, so don’t wait for the “perfect” moment for rejuvenating leisure. And if you already feel yourself burning out, quickly determine when your next break can happen. Ask your accountability partner to make sure you keep that appointment with yourself.

The messes: Let them happen

The most recent lesson I’ve learned is to let messes happen. Every day, many women all over the world find themselves at home with work and a child. There have been millions of collective moments of hair-pulling.

The one thing that has made the juggle bearable was letting go of the idea that I could contain every mess—or even half of them. As long as my toddler was safe, I got things done. He did color on himself, play in mud, and dump out every block he owns.

But I met deadlines. I put aside my fears and gave him some (safe) independence. Sometimes I wish I had the time to give my son educational, rotating activities every day, but the working mom can’t afford that. My evenings were filled with more chores and more scrubbing, but I went to bed with a happy work team and a happy baby.

This season isn’t forever

The next time your search engine lands you on another article describing how you can “have it all,” remember that “all” is relative. This season isn’t forever, and you’re not a bad mom for wishing away sleepless nights.

Remember that comparison subtly but steadily eats away at joy and gratitude. And venting to a trusted friend and getting away from your duties now and then will keep you sane. Above all, forgive yourself and start fresh tomorrow.

Your child won’t remember the mess in the sink or the piles of laundry. He will remember that you always had the energy, somehow, to kiss his boo-boos, wipe his tears, and hold him tight.

Here at She Might, we’re passionate about doing work and family life together. Follow our Instagram, subscribe to our monthly newsletter, or drop us a line through our contact page, and tell us how you thrive as a working mom.